i just had sex bonerless
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
