she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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