dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
