i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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