so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
