I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I want is dick and wine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
