Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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