This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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