My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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