the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
