next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i drank out of a bidet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
