I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
