everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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