i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Panties = found
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
