Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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