I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
