omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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