My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
