It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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