pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
