just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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