Cold hands, warm shart.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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