Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think my vagina is haunted
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
