you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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