I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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