When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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