Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
