That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
