shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
