He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
