Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
