Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
