Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
