I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
