my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
