I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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