Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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