I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
