Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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