I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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