I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Please, let me fuck your mom
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
