I will die if light touches me.
My balls are so social today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
