Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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