Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
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It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
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The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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