i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
