Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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