youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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