And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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