i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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