You smell like stripper and shame
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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