I bet he comes in French.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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