put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
