my phone needs a breathalizer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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