How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
